Thursday, July 27, 2006

Why does He have to be so confusing?!?

So my problem is with God. This is not exactly easy to say... knowing that I should be completely reliant on my Father. I know it's not an easy task, but I thought I was up to the task. Apparently not so much. Here's my minute dilemma:

Before I left for Malaysia, I and Jon ended our dating relationship. With my hindisight at 20/20 vision, I realized that if I was listening to God, it would have ended much earlier. I wasn't (like always) and wanted to stretch the relationship out. It lasted up to 3 days prior to my leaving for Malaysia.

3 days later I met a gentleman on my trip; a good week later it was hopelessly over for me. Regardless what my logical cerebellum told my heart- my heart would just not listen. Doomed to failure, I'm sure. Especially with the distance that lives between us; fancing this simple idea was just a heartache away.

It didn't help the other females on the trip. Two or three of them were quite certain to my feelings, his feelings, and life in general. It was quite a disconcerting habit they had. They tried to instigate more than what was. (I felt)

Now that I have returned from Malaysia and have gauged the distance... it still seems remarkably far. I wouldn't want to do that to him (not even sure he would want to do that... probably not) and yet... there's God.

Right before I left, a friend became engaged. It was quite a surprise to me in part because I didn't know she was dating anyone. He lived in California (a nice 2 time zones away... ironic because that's what I'm battling at the moment) I thought it incredulous, but it was of course before I met this particular gentleman.

In the two weeks I have been in SoDak, I have experienced several (5?) conversations with different people from various walks in my life (housemates, coworkers, friends, family) about long distance relationships. Not so much about MY dilemma, but actually their lives. Then I randomly picked up a book and checked it out from the library. I literally had no idea what it was about, but I liked it because the main character was from Asia and her father is a pastor. When she enters a different a culture, the questions she has reminded me of my time in Malaysia. Then she meets a guy. And now they are at the point of her having to go home... and how that will turn out.

Ironic, is it not? Why does God have to be so confusing?! It's like he's telling me to move on and to wait in hope at the same time! I do not want to hope in vain, nor do I want to discourage what God has planned. I can wait, but what if I am waiting for something not destined to happen? How screwed up can I get...

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated on my plagued ordeal. Let me know!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Characteristics in my future husband

While unsure of who my future husband is, but trusting in God to let it be blatantly OBVIOUS to me... I have taken some advice from fellow female believers and created a characteristics sheet. Not in any order whatsoever, this sheet was originally intended to be roughly 10 characteristics... nothing more. It became to seperate sheets, 'Christian' and 'Non Christian' aspects; then it once more grew to an unusual size as I observed and reflected what I liked and DID NOT like in gentlemen around me. Now there are 58 characteristics... 29 in each category. My apologies if you don't really care what 22 yr. old American Christian women are REALLY looking for... obviously, you aren't him anyway. Here's the list... once again NOT in any order!

Christian Aspects
1. Christian
2. Leader- at least for me
3. Eager to grow in Christ (1Tim3)
4. God first
5. Firm in faith with Christ
6. Wants to help in the church
7. Faithful
8. Constantly makes sure what he’s doing is for God.
9. Stronger in faith than I am (spiritually growing will also do :) )
10. Puts the needs of others before his own (Phil 2:3-4)
11. Rejoices in his relationship with Christ (John 15:11)
12. Maintains proper relationships (Hebrews 12:14)
13. Refuses to jump ahead of God’s timing (Ps. 37:7)
14. Seeks to meet the practical needs of others (Eph. 4:32)
15. Stands for what is right (Rom. 2:9-10)
16. Follows through on his God-given responsibility (1 Cor 4:2)
17. I’m not teaching him (1 Tim 2:12)
18. Spirit- controlled Christian (Eph 5:18)
19. Jesus is #1 in his life (Mark 12:30)
20. Broken, understands his reliance on Jesus (Phil 4:13)
21. Ministry-minded (1 Cor 4:2) [what has God chosen him to be?]
22. Motivator- lost souls concerned (Rom. 10:14)
23. Sensitive spirit when it comes to the needs of others (Gal 6:2)
24. Understands responsibility of husband (Eph. 5:25-31)
25. Humble enough to be discipled, able to disciple (Matt 28:19-20)
26. Man of prayer- private time with God (Col 4:2)
27. Family man; desires children and raising them for God (Prov. 22:6)
28. Flees temptation and compromise (Prov. 25:28)
29. Understands importance of feelings and emotions (Col 3:12)

Other Aspects
1. Accepting of me, my family, and my background
2. Funny- must make me laugh
3. Taller than me (or at least my size)
4. Doesn’t smoke
5. Doesn’t get drunk-‘bar hopping’ isn’t a good time.
6. Enjoys animals and nature
7. Doesn’t revolve SOLELY around sports (some sports, sure… soccer; badminton...lol)
8. Likes to reflect
9. Good conversationalist (or at least can talk to me)
10. Creative
11. Practical
12. Thrifty- but giving (charitable)
13. Open to new suggestions
14. Conservative-moderate political views
15. Loving
16. Loves to travel
17. Supports/aids/confronts me
18. Understanding
19. Likes the little things in life
20. Wants to have a family- not just sex
21. Organized
22. My mom and Mark (stepdad) like him
23. Must be friends first
24. Asks for my opinion- and wants to know it!
25. Dedicated/ devoted
26. Kind
27. Patient
28. Sincere
29. Respectful

I think most of these characteristics work hand in hand with each other... now it's just finding that guy... heh.

Until the next episode...
-Fitz

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Malaysia......my Malaysia!

Hey dear blogging readers!

I just returned from Malaysia doing what one would call a cultural linguistics program with a national organization from my campus. It was an amazing time and I can't wait to tell you more about it! Between the wonderful people we stayed with through the homestay programs, the children we met while teaching English as a Second Language (ESL), the food we consumed, the people we talked to, the weather, the culture... I would love to tell you all about it!
Unfortunately for time, I can't tell you a lot about it. But I'll wet your imaginations a little and if you respond, then I'll email you more details... :D
-The scariest fruit in the world is prized in Malaysia... I call it hardcore weapons of mass destruction... Malays call it Durian.

-Itineraries aren't necessary in Malaysia...nothing's really 'on time' anyway.

-If you don't care for rice... just walk away now.

-The best type of chicken is a dead one.

-Freedom makes things taste better.

-Pineapples don't come from trees...

-Kelly Clarkson is seemingly quite popular for girls between 12 and 17.

-I met a guy who owns a shirt which sweats for him... sort of.

-I learned Bahasa Malayu (the native language) through subtitles on Japanese Soap Operas.

-I learned how to pray.

-The World Cup is beloved and the only country which does not embrace soccer/football are Americans.

Hope that gives you some ideas of what my month was like! If you have any questions either email me (you know who you are) or comment and I'll most likely blog you back. :)
Jumpa lagi! (see you later)
-Fitz

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Ouch....

Hello people in blogville...

First of all, my apologies are going to be small when I look upon the fact that I haven't blogged in almost 6 mo! I really should be shot in the foot with a sharp pointy object made out of jello....

Secondly, I am jetlagged, it's like 2 am, so I really don't know how long this is going to be... I might fall asleep at the keyboard (it's been known to happen) and never really get past this point.



Ok.
So we established that I got past that point. Now here's a small recap as to life in the wacky state of SoDak and the even more wacky landscape of my cerebellum.


I didn't actually read the last blog, so I'm not really sure where to start. I'll start in January and if it's farther back then that, I'll realize how tremendously I've commited social suicide and hide in one of many nonexistent trees near my house.

January Headline:
Went to Pasadena, CA for the Resolved Confrence
Started my Spring Semester even though 95% of it is still in the winter time.

February Headline:
Not sure where it went, but there's something amiss with the IV prez...
You want me to go where God? Malaysia? That's by China... right?

March Headline:
France for 10 days during spring break - woo!
Michael resigned?!
Why on earth would they want me to MC large group as the LG leader?
How's Grandma S. doing?

April Headline:
Run, run, run, run... Malaysia here I come!
Jon, what's wrong?
Oh, when did Grandma die? I'll be there...
Yeah, I know I should spend more time on school...
Source in April... I think I liked it better in January.

May Headline:
JON- what's wrong?
Running against the mighty winds of finals
So how much more fundraising do I have to do for Malaysia?
Sure, Pickle, Kim and I will be in Nashville to see you.

June Headline:
Happy Birthday to me!
So you just want to be friends...
Hello Malaysia- and everyone else...

July Headline:
"Well, actually, today is our Independence Day in the states..."
Back in the states...
present time

That really doesn't even begin to explain what went on during those 6 months, but it is a good starter. I'm sorry you have missed so much! You should check out the myspace I have! It's almost completely nonexistent! ^.^

Have a great day and I'll send a longer blog about Malaysia later on!
-Fitz