Who get's hit on at a library?!

I don't understand the world today.... when did a library become a place to pick up chicks? Was I sick from life the day they explained that one? Ok...

I'm not what you would call.... particularly stunning. In the world of cars, I'm a honda - not a mustang. I guess it's good I'm not a Geo- but anyway. On this particular day I looked more like a Honda in need of a carwash than anything else. No makeup, my hair was pulled back in a clip, clothes that I'm sure of didn't match, and sandals. No high heels; dressing up for the occasion; type of anything here. Oh, and plus - I was in a library.

I gotta give the guy credit. It is incredibly hard to go up to a girl in any venue and strike up a conversation.... but do you know how annoying it is to be interrupted from a GOOOOOOD book? He asks me if I like Xbox. "No, I'm not a gamer." He tells me how many games he has anyway. Atari? Who hasn't heard of it? He has tons of them too. Do I read Stephen King? Not really. I read the one about the dog once.... Cujo? yeah. oh, and I watched the Green Mile but never read it. He has all of his books.

I was really hoping he would get the hint that we didn't have much to talk about... but then he started talking about the weather, a bullet in his head, SSI, colostamy bags, extreme constipation leading to hours-literally in the lou, and his high school years. I've been out of high school for about four years now. I really don't talk about high school. But I guess he loves to talk about high school. People he' s picked up and tossed across the room.... stuff he's done... I'm wondering if there was a nice way to get out of the conversation. And then he asks, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Hallelujiah! "Yes." "Well, I gotta ask." He laughs and slaps me on the arm. I'm leaning as far away from this guy as possible.

Then he notices my tattoo. I have a tatoo. It's a crazy neat looking cross on my leg. " Are you a Christian?" "Yes." "Me too! I gotta ask!" He laughs again and trys to slap me on the arm. He misses. He doesn't seem to mind. "What denomination?" "Catholic." Finally he looks a little awry.

"About 5 yrs. ago I went to a Catholic church and everyone in the church put down these things to kneel on- " "Kneelers." "- and they all started bowing down saying the 'Hail Mary' in front of this huge statue of Mary."
I looked at him kinda funny. Any Catholic can tell you that we don't bow, nor do we say the Hail Mary during Mass. Where did this guy go?
"That's kinda odd, because usually the Catholic church doesn't say the Hail Mary in Mass- " "You know that 'you shall have no other gods before me?"
"Mary is not a god."
"It seemed a little satanic because the priests repeat the same thing over and over again - "
"That's because Christian priests couldn't read 2000 yrs. ago. To help them give the gospel they memorized the mass so they wouldn't have any variances. The bishop had to actually say the sermon in every church back then, because he was able to read and write."
"It just seems a little creepy to me. I say a different prayer every night."
"Uh huh."
After half an hour of this, and after he asked me out for pizza, he asked for my phone number. I gave it to him in hopes that he would go away. He did, ten minutes later and after he scrutinized how I write my name... making the 'appropriate' corrections.

Bad puns, corny lines, way too personal information, insulting my denomination, ignoring the fact that we have nothing in common, and the fact that I have a boyfriend, and scrutinizing that my 'e' in Amber isn't 'e' enough. All of you fellas out there, listen up:

This is not the way to pick up chicks!!!

-Amber